Concerned

as with ANY relationship you have to work at it
It doesn't just drop in your lap, many dogs and handlers have worked on it for years with their dogs!

You didn't even want a dog, and I am sure Steve naturally has a way with dogs, that you're just now just starting to learn.
Has nothing to do with blame, just stop with looking for a quick fix, stop with the negativity about Laddie as he's just a young pup, and start working on what you DO want not what you don't want, get rid of that darn choke chain and do some of the exercises many of us have previously told you about.

I would sell my Mother if I could get a Sheltie that LOVES all other people, lol, but I have the opposite problem in Toffee and that is also was not a cakewalk.
 
maybe take things as like...ok, I am not your person and you are not my dog..so let's deal with this and accept each other as is. you are a good dog and I am a good person...let's just be ourselves and go from there.
and you both may be surprised at how well it can go!
 
I understand how difficult depression is and how hard life is to manage. You really do need some sort of support - have a long chat with your GP to start with, a good GP is a good resource to help with depression (esp as you are in an isolated area).

I'm thinking Laddie may actually be exactly what you need. He's outgoing and friendly with strangers and I think that can benefit you greatly. Now the weather is getting warming you should get out with him and go to places where people are, people will want to pat him and talk to you about him and all the positive energy will be a great benefit. Walking in itself is good for depression, as is interacting with people and Laddie can give you both of these. Depression will make you want to withdraw into yourself and not interact, but it sounds like Laddie is going to make darn sure that isn't going to happen.

You may not have gotten the dog you wanted, but it sounds like you got the dog you need. Maybe God meant you to have Laddie.
 
*Caro said:
...You may not have gotten the dog you wanted, but it sounds like you got the dog you need. Maybe God meant you to have Laddie.
Click to expand...

Laddie's Mom:

This may turn out to be the most profound piece of advice and comfort offered yet. *Caro's advice is certainly worth a try. God bless you and I pray that your life improves.
 
I agree, not every dog is going to be a "heart" dog, but I can see from all your posts and your photo albums that you are trying very hard with Laddie ( it may not have been the best idea to give him the same name as your last sheltie - you might want to consider adding something to the name to make it his own in your mind - like maybe "Sir Laddie" or "Laddie boy"…) He is a beautiful fellow, and all the time you are putting in will be rewarded if you drop the expectations about "best friends" and simply enjoy and appreciate him for who he is, and see what develops. It may surprise you.

It isn't a competition for his affections, he will have a different relationship with all the people ( and dogs) in his life. Don't you think it's kind of wonderful that your "lab loving" hubby has this sheltie doting on him? Perhaps it has to do with Laddie sensing that hubby just sees him as a dog and doesn't have a whole lot of built in expectations, so it's easier for them. Remember Love is not a finite thing to be measured out, Laddie will have room in his heart for both of you, albeit in different ways. That is okay. Please don't get another dog right now when things are tenuous - you would just be adding to the situation.

My hubby is not really a "pet person". He is great with them but his life is fine with or without an animal; whereas for me I need a pet in my life for it to feel like home. Oddly enough all of our animals have loved Ross. I have countless photos of him asleep on the sofa with a pet or two curled up on his chest or feet. He will feed them when I'm not around, but it is very easy for him to walk past the crate in the morning and let me take care of that So far that is ... there's something about Hanna that he seems to be unable to resist.

She's pretty attached to me ( I control the food and treats) but I can see that she may turn out to be just as much or perhaps even more his dog and that is just fine by me. I want her to have a great life with us both, who she attaches to most strongly is not relevant. Hubby is pretty great - I'm willing to share him with her. LOL

We aren't judging you so no need to defend yourself. Owing a pet comes with sometimes unexpected challenges - the very fact that you are here sharing, and seeking help says that you want what is best for your Laddie.

Eva
 
I got my Beau to help me with my problems with Depression and Anxiety. Trust me when I tell you Laddie is doing her job. She is forcing you to go out of the house and be social.

Laddie may not snuggle up to because she knows she can trust you to be there for her.

And whether you realize it or not, Laddie is doing her job. She is getting you up and out, which is what Beau does for me. He gets me out of the house and because he's so stinking cute(I know i'm being unabashedly biased here but since i'm his momma I'm allowed) people want to come up and talk and pet him.

Do I mind playing second fiddle to a dog. Nope, not one bit, I know, I've done my job.
 
When I first got my puppy I had certain expectations for her and when she didn't met them I became a little bit depressed. I was unemployed at the time and was looking for a friendly, loving companion to train as a therapy dog and occupy my time. Instead, I got a puppy who wanted nothing to do with me except play, play, play and was fearful of strangers, noise and motion sensitive.

She would barely come near me unless I was playing with her and she rarely showed any affection towards me. She could care less if I'd come and go. She would stay in the same room as me, but would lay on the other side of the room. It really disappointed me because I was doing so much for her & spending so much money on her (she had some health & behavior issues), yet I felt like she had no attachment to me or love for me.

It took a while, but I finally accepted her for who she was. It wasn't till she was over a year old that she really started to show more affection. She still won't lay near me, but showers me with kisses when I return home. At four years old, I do believe I am the center of her universe (maybe 2nd or 3rd after food and her toys... I do think she would toss me in front of a bus for food :winkgrin:.)

I believe accepting your dog for who he is and lowering your expectations of him, may help you feel a little better. A dog shouldn't be expected to solve people's problems. That's a lot of pressure for a dog to live up to.

Laddie sounds like a wonderful boy. You may not realize it, but having a sheltie who loves strangers and people who come into your house is like hitting the jackpot. It is much more stressful when you have a reactive sheltie, who lunges and barks at strangers. Keep training him with positive reinforcement and playing games he loves and your bond will only grow stronger.

I wish you and Laddie the best of luck. Focus on each others strengths and you'll have a wonderful life together.
 
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Holly has what I affectionately call "Shiny New People Syndrome" :smile2:

She loves, loves, loves to meet new people. The first time it happened was when I picked her up from the breeder's home. The breeder was cautioning me that new puppies are often shy but that she would warm up to me quickly. No sooner had she finished that sentence than Holly was all over me and ignoring her (the breeder looked a little put off). She's friendly, that's just who she is. It has nothing to do with how little or how much she loves me. I know that she loves me but she also loves new people and experiences. I suspect Laddie may have a personality like my Holly.

I advise that you take what you are viewing as a negative and turn it into a positive. Laddie likes new people, great, take him out, meet new people with him, make some new friends. You're in a new country, with a new husband, things aren't going the way that you had hoped - you need to get out and about. Make Laddie your ambassador and get some people with a positive outlook in your life. Life is much too short to be unhappy. Lots of people on this board are wishing you and laddie well :hugs

Kimberly
 
I am sorry for your struggles, and I'm hoping you don't take the judgments to heart here. I think some people have no understanding of how debilitating and consuming depression can be. It's obvious you're trying to be a good doggie mommy. Someone said it: not every dog will be that special dog. My current collie is like that, as well. He's a good boy, and I care about him a lot. But the dept of relationship that I've had with other dogs, is not there with him. That does NOT mean you did anything wrong. Your depression is making you judge yourself, and blame yourself. You did nothing wrong here. Laddie just decided to gravitate to your husband.

I think you'll need to find the strength in yourself to realize that Laddie isn't going to be the answer to your depression. He can be a good friend/pal, but he won't be the BFF you were hoping for. I understand.

I remember on one of your earlier posts, you mentioned you were going to return to the States later this year. If that is still in the works, why don't you permit Laddie to stay with Steve? The quarantine period to take him to the States would be awful, anyway. That way, the two good friends could be together, and you would be starting over in more ways than one.

If you're able to accept that Laddie is Steve's dog, and not be so distressed about it, that could make the competition less attractive to your husband. It sounds as if he's doing it to get under your skin. And if your distress is gone, Laddie could be drawn to you more. Just a thought.

I pray you find a way out of the hole and hell of depression. I'll keep you in prayer.
 
We got Shelby about 5 weeks after loosing our heart dog. I really needed another sheltie to fill that void. DH on the other hand was not ready or prepared for a puppy again. He had a tough time accepting her and getting over the loss of Hollie. I did all the training, feeding etc. DH helped but I did most of it.

Fast forward 3+ years and guess who is Shelby's favorite....not me. I think that she has felt she had to proove herself to him and win him over. As for me I was easy to please. Now they are best buds which makes me very happy to see that, even if I am once again 2nd best. It does not make me sad but it brings me great pleasure to see how happy DH and Shelby are. And how proud I am knowing that I am the one that trained her to be the very friendly pup she is. Especially when people comment on how well behaved she is.

She doesn't snuggle but needs to be with is. We just accept her for who she is. Just like humans they are all different and we just have to accept that and make the best of it.
 
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