Wishing for an angel....

L

LadyMcBeth

Forums Enthusiast
I don't know where to post this, and I am sorry for bleeding all over the sheltie forum....

I wish I had waited. I miss AnnaBelle so much. It gets worse instead of better. I had her put down three weeks ago today, and am so sorry I did. Even if I feel selfish now, I was thinking of her at the time.

I don't even know how to begin to feel better. I am distraught. I want her to be home. In the darkest moments, I want to join her. She was my heart dog. Now my heart is so broken....

I don't have another dog, and don't want one. I just want Anna home.
 
I'm so sorry. I know it's hard.

Please, please don't beat yourself up for letting her go when you did... there's a saying that it's "better a week too early than a day too late", and I really think that's true. You did the best, bravest thing for your girl: you put her comfort and quality of life before your own need to keep her physical self with you.

Honestly, I don't think there's any way to get through this part more quickly. My heart-dog died almost a year and half ago and I'm still not really through it (because there's no getting over, it's just getting through). I still don't really get excited about the other dogs - I'm lucky that my mom has a whole herd of Shelties, so I can get my "fix" when I need it, but I don't really want another dog. I want my dog.

I wish I could offer you more in the way of help, but all I've got is the reassurance that yes, it will get better. It will take time, and it's not always a steady improvement (you're going to have good days and days when you feel like you're never, ever going to feel OK again), but on the whole you will feel better. You won't ever forget her, but over time, the memories that you return to the most will be of the happy times, and not the sad ones. It's just hard - maybe one of the hardest things you've done in your life. But you can do it.

It's absolutely, 100% OK to grieve for AnnaBelle. Your grief is no less real or legitimate because it's not for a human. (I know you know that already, but I think it helps to have other people affirm it.)
 
I am so sorry to hear that you are grieving so hard. Please don't punish yourself over making a decision that was hard on you, but eased your dog's pain. Please know that I am thinking about you.

Dani
 
Diane Fosse, the woman about whom "Gorillas in the Mist" was made, once wrote a beautiful letter to her dog. I was just thinking, maybe you could write AnnaBelle a letter, telling her how you feel. Tell her everything, then tie it to a balloon and send it free to Rainbow Bridge. :sadsmile:
 
I can not add any more advice than you have aready gotten. It will get better in time...lots of time and the first year is the hardest. I have made this decision way to many times and like Tofu said "better a week early than a day to late". I love Chris's advice to write her a letter. I keep journals on my dogs and after I lost Katie....my heart was very broken and I wrote to her and it made me feel so much better.
I have a dear friend who lost so many shelties and other dogs and still had several other breeds but just could not bring herself to get another sheltie and she would say " my heart is to broken " well never say never as she added another sheltie 5 months ago and is so very happy. She still misses her heart dogs but this one has given her so much!
 
I am so sorry. It is so awful and sad.

I bet if Annabelle was here with you she would do just the right thing like laying her head on your knees and do the Sheltie sigh or something like that.
I liked what Tofu Pup said, I hope something helps you feel a little bit better, eventually...
You're not bleeding on anybody, it is okay, I am thinking of you! I say to myself: "When there is no way out, there is still a way through!" That helps me repeating these words like a mantra in time of need when nothing seems right or going to be right again. Here is what I listen to when I have had enough and am loosing hope. It brings me some peace, I hope maybe it can help you too?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ1wtftL3nA
 
I lost my first Sheltie, Scruffy, six years ago August 29th. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I cried every day for a year after I sent her to the Bridge, and buckets on her first anniversary. She was my soul dog, even though we had two other Shelties.

I won't tell you I don't still miss her, but our three Shelties now all have different Scruffy qualities that tell us she is still with us. Each one does something that reminds us of her, and we smile when we see it. The memories are good ones, and they don't hurt as much now.

I swore I would never let another dog steal my heart like she did, and the one who did is not the one I expected it to be. My good friend missjennygirl gave me the littermate to my Barkley nearly two years ago so I could learn to show. She was two years old at the time, and I didn't expect the connection we have, but it's grown over time. It takes you by surprise, and you don't go looking for it, but it creeps up on you and there it is.

As others have said, don't beat yourself up for missing AnnaBelle. There's a huge hole in your life where she was. But time does help us heal, and you will know when and if you're ready to share your life again with a pup. In the meantime, we understand and bleed with you. Sending you hugs.
 
LadyMcBeth said:
I don't know where to post this, and I am sorry for bleeding all over the sheltie forum....

I wish I had waited. I miss AnnaBelle so much. It gets worse instead of better. I had her put down three weeks ago today, and am so sorry I did. Even if I feel selfish now, I was thinking of her at the time.

I don't even know how to begin to feel better. I am distraught. I want her to be home. In the darkest moments, I want to join her. She was my heart dog. Now my heart is so broken....

I don't have another dog, and don't want one. I just want Anna home.
Click to expand...
I did not get another dog for a year after Dow. I knew I would get another but did not feel it fair to the next dog to do it to soon. Looking back the thinking was silly but the result was Sca so maybe I was silly/smart :biggrin2: There is a buddy out there though when you change your mind. It will not be Annabelle but that does not mean better or worse just different.

So in the interim pet others dogs and remember the good times and in time you will be the best friend a new sheltie needs.

PS Oh and I do get it, as I would come home and 2 or 3 times a night look for Dow after he died. I found squeek balls for an entire year (he was an addict) and opened the back door numerous times before realizing what I was doing by 15 years of habit.
 
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I wish I could say that I didn't understand how you feel, but I know exactly how you feel. It is one of the hardest decisions in the world to have to end suffering, but you must realize that AnnaBelle was suffering. To end suffering is not selfish, it's selfless.

I lost my heart dog when she was 15 and I think of her constantly and she passed 16 years ago. My second beloved Sheltie, Jazz, had to be put to sleep when he was 14 and when he died, my husband and I said exactly the same thing you did, "I don't want another dog, I just want MY dog." It took over a year before we got that stirring in our hearts for another dog. We decided without hesitation it would be another Sheltie.

The grieving is a horrible process that you will get through. You may or may not want another dog even after the greiving gets bareable. If you get another dog, he or she will never be Anna or replace Anna, but all the same a dog who needs a loving home.

I will pray for your comfort and solace. The right thing to do is not necessairly the easy thing to do.

Hugs,
Lori
 
It's sad to hear that you're having these hard times.

Such understanding, such love exists here. Reading others responses make me realize they've felt the same as I did losing my girl. It's been 5.5 years since I lost Chelsea, and it seems like 90% of the posts I make here somehow refer to her. Hopefully with all the love as the day I got her, the day she left, or any one of the nearly 4200 days in between.

After she died, a year passed before I gave up one habit I developed as she got older. She'd sleep in the hall outside of the computer room, and getting up from the computer, instead of bumping into her in the dark and rudely waking her, I'd shuffle my feet across the floor, and wake her gently. As I said earlier, it took a year to get out of that habit.

You can't not be moved by missing such devotion. Theirs to you, or yours to them. It will get better, and tears of loss will be replaced by those of joy. As Sumac said, the first year is the hardest. Last year this day we did this...last year we went... Christmas came a month after Chelsea died. I drove 4.5hrs to my sister's place for the first time in 11.5yrs without my pup. Tears flowed the whole way. Some of her pictures hang out in the hall. I'm going to need to go talk to her in a few moments. Say 'Hi'.

Hoping that a peace can settle over you. You had a hard choice to make, and Love guided you.
 
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