Wishing for an angel....

I think the advice that you got to write a letter to your lady is great advice.

When my daughter committed suicide 3 years ago without warning, followed quickly by my Sheltie, Timber, I started to keep a diary - something I had not done since a teenager. I only did it for awhile but it was enough for me to be able to express my emotions in a safe place. I found it very cathartic.

I'm sorry for your loss. But you have to be strong. I'm sure that there are other loved ones that need you and you can't just fold and give up.

Just remember that your pup is with you always, in your heart. That's what I do when I think about my daughter.....she's never really left me because she's there in my heart.

Hugs!
 
Thanks to each of you for the comforting words, thoughts and prayers. And Barb, I cannot begin to imagine what you have gone through.

I didn't know I had so many tears in me. I believe the Bible says God keeps each tear in a bottle just for us...that is a comfort to know He is with me.

But she is everywhere in this little trailer we moved too...with lots of outdoor space for rolling in the grass, fetching sticks, and taking walks with those oh so intriging smells everywhere.

I am filling out applications to move. This RV we moved into is pretty small... it's funny how when Anna was here it was just the right size for us. Now that she is gone, it's too small. Makes no sense.

I am sorry that each of you know first hand how this feels. When I lost Heidi, the German Shepherd I had for 12 years, I didn't feel like this. But I had a husband then too....it's been just Anna and me for the last 11 years (she was 3 when I rescued her). I remember a few years ago I got involved with a man who seemed almost perfect, but didn't pay any attention to Anna..wouldn't pet her or acknowledge her. I told him one day if it ever got to be a choice between him and Anna, I'd pick Anna. We didn't last very long....and I got the best end of that deal!

Thanks for listening. I love looking at albums of shelties here....there are some beautiful pups here. I will get another sheltie when the time is right...I love their yappy, loyal, sturdy mannerisms...

Thanks again for listening.
 
LadyMcBeth said:
Thanks to each of you for the comforting words, thoughts and prayers.
Click to expand...

Though my reply might be a bit later than everyone elses and everyone already has told you incredible words of condolence, love and support.. I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I am keeping you in my prayers as well. <3

I will be going through heartache too once august comes around, as it will be the one year anniversary of Puddings tragic passing, and I'm sure I'll be posting up a thread on SN asking and seeking the same kind of questions endlessly as you are right... I understand that the pain never goes away and that these thoughts of "what if" "should I have" "maybe if I hadnt" will always come up.. Just know though that you are never alone. And that I am glad you are reaching out to us..

Also know that what you did that night was never a mistake. And that you should never rejudge yourself of the decisions that you made on her behalf. Why? Because you only had her best interest on mind. What you did showed an incredible level of love and care. To have put her life before yours. This is what we call selfless. And though you say you regret it now, try looking it the other way. I had to decide in less than 10 minutes to put Pudding down, and get back to the vet not knowing if she'd even still be alive by the time I got there to say my goodbyes. It would have been SELFISH to keep her alive after 27 seizures, broken ribs, and permanent head damage... through all that pain she already had to live through.. for what? So I could be with her for a few more hours? Oh how I would have loved to.... but that wouldn't be right... That wouldn't have been right at all. To make her endure MORE PAIN for ME would have not been right at all. And if I've learned anything through my short 4 years with her has been that... She has and always will be my first love and the one I cared most dearly for. For someone I cared most dearly about, more than my wellbeing for sure, I could never have been able to live my own life the way I am now with Precious if that night I did not decide to let her go to be finally pain-free.

I'm sure for that your sheltie thanks you as well <3. But MORE SO, your sheltie would be very upset to know you're beating yourself so much. She'd want you to be able to live. to laugh. to love again like the way you showed you could love her.

I found that the best way to cope, and I needed a lot of coping... is never to forget. never to move on. But to understand. accept. and appreciate. All the precious memories youve shared WITH her. And to never forget. And we won't either, here on SN, of the strong love you both shared for each other <3

Though a lot say the cliche line of "it takes time"/"Time will heal the wounds".... Though I don't agree wounds ever heal completely. I agree that time will slowly make it that much more bareable. Keep holding on LadyMcbeth. It's never easy. No one expects it to be. Cry if you need to. Talk to us if you need to. <3 But please, just don't blame yourself. Hope this message reaches you <3

- Michelle
 
You have received wonderful advice in the posts on this thread, and I hope you will be able to take advantage of the compassionate wisdom that is being offered. I am almost reluctant to try to add anything more, but just possibly our experiences will add a bit of comfort. We lost two Shelties, Jake and Lacey, in a relatively short period of time, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. There are days when I am choked up and the tears flow, and then there are days when my mind takes me to very special times of laughing and the happiness they gave me. Of all the things we did to try and heal from our loss, the most significant single thing is how Robby, one of our current two, sensed our grief and made it possible for us to move on, by allowing himself to be hugged and "loved on". I have no doubt that he knew quite well that he could give us what we needed, and he did. Beautifully I might add. The rescue person who linked us with Robby once told us that she believed that the Shelties we have had in our life send us the ones that we need. When I miss Jake and Lacey the most, I have learned that if I call Robby to me and give him a big hug and a good ear massage, that I will quickly feel better. So, when you feel up to it, allow another Sheltie into your life, not as a replacement (that could never be), but as a successor. You will not be sorry. Kind regards, Will
 
Oh I feel so much sympathy with you for your pain. Like so many others I know how you feel. When I lost my Jess I was heartbroken and in pain. I am an angry person and I relieved my immediate pain by howling/screaming my fury at the pain to the skies. Could that help relieve the pain temporarily - it did for me. (Ps. We live in the country so nobody called the police.) Be strong and cry all you can. My thoughts are with you.
 
I am filling out applications to move. This RV we moved into is pretty small... it's funny how when Anna was here it was just the right size for us. Now that she is gone, it's too small. Makes no sense.

Don't think it is the size but how quiet it is with out them. You will one day let your heart get another one.
 
Grieving the loss of a beloved pet is grieving the loss of a loved one. If you need to move, then do so. Time does heal. It takes away the sharp edge of the grief. Take care of yourself and remember the good times.
 
I think the rv is too small because I see and feel her everywhere....I can't move the chair without looking to make sure I don't run over her...can't lay on the couch without having her snuggle up to me, can't go to bed without her presence there with me.

Thank you again for all the comforting words and support. I really need them right now.
 
I can't add anything that hasn't been said, so suffice it to say that I'm thinking of you. You can and you will make it through this! Hugs to you!
 
Every post here is wonderful and there is such love - so never worry about expressing your grief.

Life is like walking along a path, sometimes it is smooth and grassy, sometimes steep and rocky. Sometimes you have to make a choice whether to take the difficult, uphill rocky path or continue along what appears to be a easier route, but isn't necessarily the correct one. Always walking along the path you can pause, look back. Perhaps appreciate the climb or admire the view - maybe even wish you had chosen a different route, but you can't go back and retrace your steps - the direction always is forwards.

Just like when we walk our dogs, most of the time they are with us but sometimes they have to go off and do their own thing.

I think you have just made the hard but right choice to take the stony uphill path. It's going to be tough for a while and AnnaBelle has just gone off for a bit to do her own thing. Don't dispair though, you will come to the place where the path levels out and gets smoother. Who knows, there could well be another sheltie waiting for you there with a smiling face, to accompany you along some more of the way. One thing I am certain of, when the path finally comes to an end, AnnaBelle will be waiting for you there, ready to play again. She has not left you, you just cannot see her at the moment.
 
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