Problems with the new but old dog...

Mikos_Mom said:
In all seriousness, I'd like to do a lot of what you said.... but at the same time I know that what others have said (ie. it's the not the dog's fault that she's clueless... she was never trained to be a good dog) is true too. They (my partner, his ex and their daughters) thought her growling and snapping was cute... they let her up on the furniture... they fawned all over her and gave her treats just for being cute... well it's all resulted in a dog that's FAR from cute, if you ask me. Unfortunately... no one asked me!!!!!!.... That's probably part of my resentment too... I was "told" one day that I should stop looking for a rescue sheltie because "Tasha" would be coming to live with us. I get it that his ex is a lunatic and that he had to agree to it to keep the peace... but that doesn't change the fact that I have a little dog living with me that #1. I didn't want... #2. I don't like... #3. I didn't want... #4. I don't like... BTW... Did I mention that I didn't want a 10yr old shih-tzu/poodle... I wanted a play-mate for Miko!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

I'm going to try to talk to my SO and see if we can meet somewhere in the middle. It's NOT ok that she growls and snaps at Miko, the kids and the cat... but it's also not ok for Miko to pester her. It's not ok that she doesn't have to live by the same rules as Miko (that's probably my #1 beef... treat them the same!!)... but I have to be patient and give her a bit more time to learn the rules. (SO has to be get on board too... so far, I'm the only one who enforces the rules)

Anyway... thanks for letting me vent :rolleyes2:
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You're right, it was completely unfair to you and you have every right to be upset. I'd feel pretty resentful if I was looking forward to getting another young dog and instead ended up with a cranky, ill behaved pocket dog that made my life miserable and did what it wanted.

You're just going to have to lay down the rules to your partner, that if Tasha is to stay that she WILL have to learn the rules of the house. Tell him that it was unfair that she was forced on you, so in order for you to make the best of this situation, Tasha MUST be trained properly, no excuses or special treatment. Allowing her to be nasty is NOT in anyone's best interest. Old dogs are capable of learning new things and it will make all of your lives better, particularly yours and Tasha's.

Vent away, you have every right to be pissed off! :yes:

But as hard as it may be, just try not to vent at Tasha, which will just make things more difficult for you in the long run. Part of teaching her manners and respect will come from her bonding with you and learning she can trust you.
 
OntarioSheltie said:
You're right, it was completely unfair to you and you have every right to be upset. I'd feel pretty resentful if I was looking forward to getting another young dog and instead ended up with a cranky, ill behaved pocket dog that made my life miserable and did what it wanted.

You're just going to have to lay down the rules to your partner, that if Tasha is to stay that she WILL have to learn the rules of the house. Tell him that it was unfair that she was forced on you, so in order for you to make the best of this situation, Tasha MUST be trained properly, no excuses or special treatment. Allowing her to be nasty is NOT in anyone's best interest. Old dogs are capable of learning new things and it will make all of your lives better, particularly yours and Tasha's.

Vent away, you have every right to be pissed off! :yes:

But as hard as it may be, just try not to vent at Tasha, which will just make things more difficult for you in the long run. Part of teaching her manners and respect will come from her bonding with you and learning she can trust you.
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I want to hug you right now!!!

A few people have told me that because my SO accepted my kids that I should be a good "step mom" and accept the dog without question. OMG... it's a DOG... not a human child!! My kids don't growl, snap, climb on furniture when they're told not to, etc. :rolleyes2:

I've been feeling like I'm "petty" for resenting the dog... but I think the circumstances in which the dog came to my home and the way the dog was "forced" on me would make almost anyone other than Mother Theresa a bit resentful.
 
I can totally understand your situation - in fact I am in a very similar situation but on the other side. My ex step mother passed away and her 12 year old cat was pretty much forced on me and my significant other. I have never particularly liked cats and DH definately does not. BUT it is not the cats fault and she had nowhere else to go so I took her in.
It has created a lot of resentment between the two of us and many many arguments. I have not yet found a solution! But I can offer a little bit of advice. Your DH more than likely felt like he had no option to say yes...maybe it wasn't his first choice either but you have to make lemonade when you're given lemons! Try to make the most of it. It is not healthy for either of you to argue over a dog so try to sit down and calmly discuss the issues. I bet you'll find that deep down he even agrees with you and you can work together to solve the problems. I suggest that you really try not to lay blame, or accuse but be frank and honest about what you would like to do and how you would like to achieve it. Ultimatums (it's me or the dog) are empty threats and will only cause your DH to become defensive. If your DH sees that you are willing to try but would like to see some changes hopefully he will step up and take control. I know I reacted a whole lot better when I was calmly told of the issues that DH has with the cat rather than told I would come home one day to find her gone. I am now making a much bigger effort to change things and at least make the situation acceptable for him.
Hopefully some of this helps :biggrin2:
 
Oh and I forgot to add....it is definately a great idea to rant about the situation through another outlet (such as this forum) rather than to vent your frustation at home :smile2: Get it all out and hopefully you can be calmer later!
 
Mikos_Mom said:
I want to hug you right now!!!

A few people have told me that because my SO accepted my kids that I should be a good "step mom" and accept the dog without question. OMG... it's a DOG... not a human child!! My kids don't growl, snap, climb on furniture when they're told not to, etc. :rolleyes2:

I've been feeling like I'm "petty" for resenting the dog... but I think the circumstances in which the dog came to my home and the way the dog was "forced" on me would make almost anyone other than Mother Theresa a bit resentful.
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But wouldn't life be great if that was your biggest concern :confused2:

As to the furniture....
http://sheltieforums.com/showthread.php?t=3469&highlight=sheltie+furniture
 
Mikos_Mom said:
I want to hug you right now!!!

A few people have told me that because my SO accepted my kids that I should be a good "step mom" and accept the dog without question. OMG... it's a DOG... not a human child!! My kids don't growl, snap, climb on furniture when they're told not to, etc. :rolleyes2:

I've been feeling like I'm "petty" for resenting the dog... but I think the circumstances in which the dog came to my home and the way the dog was "forced" on me would make almost anyone other than Mother Theresa a bit resentful.
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As a person who does not have kids, to me dogs and kids are one in the same.

That being said though, I'm sure your partner wasn't forced into living with your kids, he had a choice whether he wanted to live with them or not. You were not given the choice, you were told. THATS the BIG difference.

He also can't reasonably expect you to let Tasha get away with what she's getting away with. Rules are rules, period. They should apply to everyone.
 
I don't really have any answers for you but we did do the sheltie and old small dog scenario just in reverse. Our maltese cross was 12 when we brought Mikos home (he was 8 months) and initially she was not thrilled. She had to be told no and pushed from my lap or the couch because she snarled or growled at Mikos. He had to be told no when he got too exuberant wanting her to play with him. It was a slow process between the two but they seemed to make a bit of progress every day, and finally after 3 or 4 months we suddenly realized that they were playing together. The two things that seemed to bring them common ground were 1) JP loves to chase and Mikos loves to be chased, so they would tear around the yard. 2) JP loves to play tug and one day Mikos grabbed the other end and now neither one can pick up a tug toy without the other one joining in. We then added a 2nd sheltie and it has been a bit longer process because Brie did not really know how to play, but just recently Brie and JP have started to interact in a good way. This has taken 6 months but part of this was that both JP and Brie are Momma's girls!
I hope it all works itself out quickly because it can be very stressful and frustrating when the energy is off.
 
Goggle said:
Ultimatums (it's me or the dog) are empty threats and will only cause your DH to become defensive.
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I have never and will never give an ultimatum like that. #1. I think all utimatums are forms of manipulation that usually come back to bite you in the butt. #2. Ultimatums do permanent damage to relationships. and #3. I wouldn't do it because it's not true... I'd never let him go because of a dog!! (a human female and he's OUT... but this little lady isn't gonna split us up!! LOL)

Thanks for sharing your experience... I wish you all the best with the cat situation. My SO had never really been around cats before meeting me... now he LOVES my cat! (he loves ALL animals really... it would be hard to find one that he wouldn't fall in love with)
 
nbrard said:
I don't really have any answers for you but we did do the sheltie and old small dog scenario just in reverse. Our maltese cross was 12 when we brought Mikos home (he was 8 months) and initially she was not thrilled. She had to be told no and pushed from my lap or the couch because she snarled or growled at Mikos. He had to be told no when he got too exuberant wanting her to play with him. It was a slow process between the two but they seemed to make a bit of progress every day, and finally after 3 or 4 months we suddenly realized that they were playing together. The two things that seemed to bring them common ground were 1) JP loves to chase and Mikos loves to be chased, so they would tear around the yard. 2) JP loves to play tug and one day Mikos grabbed the other end and now neither one can pick up a tug toy without the other one joining in. We then added a 2nd sheltie and it has been a bit longer process because Brie did not really know how to play, but just recently Brie and JP have started to interact in a good way. This has taken 6 months but part of this was that both JP and Brie are Momma's girls!
I hope it all works itself out quickly because it can be very stressful and frustrating when the energy is off.
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Sounds familiar!! Seems like one of them is always being told "no". :rolleyes2: .... To be honest, things were improving a bit a few weeks ago, but the old girl is a bit arthritic and ended up injuring herself chasing after Miko, so now she even MORE cranky than she was before! One step forward... 9 steps back!
 
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